Facing a Nightmare

When my husband, Joe, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in December 2009, I scoured the Internet and bookstores for information for caregivers and widows directed at my 60-ish age group. The blog posts, articles, and books I unearthed were aimed at women of my mother's vintage sheltered all their lives from pesky topics such as money and technology. The writers failed completely to speak to my need for contemporary content and even an occasional laugh. By the time Joe took his final breath while lying in my arms in July 2010, I was determined to write about my experience to give future widows mytake on dying, tears and laughs alike. Talk about a roller coaster of emotion. As stand-up performers Jerry Seinfeld and Rita Rudner have long known, one of the best definitions of comedy is this: tragedy plus a few days. So here is the story of what it has been like to become a shocked and despondent baby boomer widow learning the true meaning of gallows humor.

Comments

[Terry Peifer]

I am so sorry to hear about your pain. I know how horrible it is to loose a loved one. I also know the pain that motivates you to start or join a cause and it is very powerful. I saw the article you wrote about lemonade. I have met Candy and you are so right about her. And she retired and turned over the reins many many years ago to have a life with her family. I have never met John or Nancy, but I can tell you my opinion or impression regarding both. Nancy appears to come from the heart and really wants to cure breast cancer. She, like yourself, works with hospitals and researchers in order to do go. John Walsh, on the other hand, in my opinion, is exactly one of those people who have used a terrible tragedy to create a very nice lifestyle for himself and his family. He has consistently misquoted facts, promotes myths, and ignores research. Candy never did that. In fact, she worked very closely with DOT to ensure she had the most up to date statistics and facts. I can not see Nancy ignoring the research, statistic, or facts either. However, I know Mr. Walsh has stated wrong information, as I watched him on TV mislead the President of the United States, and I have the documents to disprove his statements.

People in their position need to clearly understand how greatly they impact millions of people's lives. They need to know they are under the microscope. As a mother of a child that was molested for almost 10 years by what was then, a close family friend, I listen and read what Mr. Walsh says, as it impacts my family's life. He is wrong on many fronts and is clearly doing this to create and keep a lifestyle. In fact, he has even partnered up with Mark Lunsford, who is also do the same thing.
I live in NJ, near the Trenton Makes bridge and would love to meet you. I too am approaching that 60 by myself and know what you are speaking of. But, I believe we must support each other. If you want to talk you can email me at NowJustice4All@gmail.com and let me know.

[SJSchwaidelson]

You are so not alone, but you've joined a really lousy club. I won't say welcome because no one wants to be here, but please feel free to reach out if you need a hand. Widowspeak is a language all its own.

And some of us do blog, too. Come for a visit.

BTW, laughing at completely at seemingly inappropriate things is perfectly okay. We all do it.

[David Haas]

Hello,
I have a question about your blog. Please email me!
Thanks,
David