Baby Boomer Widow

Inching Through Book

I just got the new book by Lisa Niemi. She's the widow of actor Patrick Swaze. He died in autumn 2009 of pancreatic cancer, a few months before Joe was diagnosed. I'm having a hard time getting past the first half of the memoir. I dread reaching the end.

Encountering Valentine's Displays

Today, I was in my neighborhood CVS store. I needed to pick up some prescriptions. On my way to the pharmacy, I passed a clerk stacking gifts on the shelves for Valentine's Day. The uber bright graphics of red hearts and the ginormous messages of undying love blinded me. With tears.

Knowing the Truth

About two weeks before his death, Joe commented that he looked like a Holocaust victim. He was right. Pancreatic cancer had, indeed, turned my husband into the gaunt, hollowed-eyed man so familiar from historical images of Nazi camps discovered at the end of World War II. Clearly, the disease was eating Joe alive. The sight of my spouse's once superfit body turning into a skeleton was horrible. But something else was far worse. Joe knew it.

Thanking Another Widow

Lisa Niemi is the poster child of widows of pancreatic cancer victims. Her husband was actor Patrick Swaze. He died two years ago. Niemi currently is promoting a book about her caretaking experiences. It's called "Worh Fighting For." In a short piece in Parade magazine, she was quoted as saying: "Sometimes it's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other." Thank you, Lisa. You make me feel less alone -- and crazy -- coping with my grief.

Looking at Photographs

The table tops in my home are covered with pictures of Joe and me: at my cousin's wedding, on vacation in Hilton Head, S.C., at my sister's home. They all were taken before Dec. 18, 2009, the day Joe and I learned he was dying. At that moment, picture taking stopped. Joe and I both disappeared.